Monologue: “Why don’t you love me.”

“ Why don’t you love me tell me baby why don’t you love me when I make me so damn easy to love”- Beyonce.

I know why I haven’t found love yet. It's playing hard to get. I say this because people are so quick to say you have to love yourself before anyone can love you, the only thing is… I do love myself it’s the very reason I am so hell bent about finding love. I love myself, right? Then why haven’t love came? Because it's intimidated. Love can’t see itself with me because it feels that I’m just better off without it… but that’s not the case! I want love! Like I really do. not to complete me because I do that already, but to see me you know? Give me some outside credit. Like I obviously don’t need anyone to say that I’m beautiful but like it’s good to hear from time to time. Like if a random guy that is not obligated to say anything to me says I am beautiful then I will most definitely be satisfied and not even think about love again.

I think I’m so infatuated with love because love is an insurance to people that they have some type of quality about them that can be loved. And that there is someone out there that thinks you're beautiful and cool enough to hang around so much that they want to be with you for the rest of their lives. Maybe that’s why I haven’t found love… maybe there is two sides of this reason... like a coin… a love coin… on one side of love I just know and understand love so much that love is making sure that I get the best of love, almost like its being picky. Like its saying “no they aren’t right for her, she needs someone perfect! I need them to be perfect for her! Just as equally as perfect as she is… this person needs to be just right for her…, Thank you next” right to the next person that could be a potential love but isn’t quite right because love wants the best for the person that knows them and understands them, and… loves them…. Yes, I am in love with love. So much even I just love to see couples be in well love. I’m like an Aphrodite but without the many self-experiences… I just live bi-curiously through other people who love other people. which brings me to the other possible side of this coin of love... what if love is trying to get away from me, like its creeped out by me that it turns me down. I mean think about it! I’m like a crazed obsessed stalker, clicking on its profile just staring at it, dreaming about it, thinking about it 24/7, talking about it! And then saying, “oh yes I like it, that’s me right there,” as I paste a cut out picture of my face onto a person’s head that love is posing with its arms around them. That’s right, I am obsessed, and love knows it… and we all know obsession or desperation is a huge turn off… Maybe I should just lay off of love for a little while… let it be for some time… give it some space… and who knows love might just be able to clear its head enough to fulfil both sides of the coin! And see how great I was to it and come crashing into me full speed… I mean you know what they say, “if you love them let them go...” and that’s what I’m doing… letting love go to figure things out for its self… clear its head. Clear my head...